Whod you bang
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
