Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
