Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
