i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
