This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
