I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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