Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize