Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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