the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
