I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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