just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
