i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
