he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
