She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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