I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
