i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
