Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
