Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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