I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
