I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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