he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
