He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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