Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
