I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
