I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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