i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
