i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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