Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
