I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
