were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
