I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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