nut hugger
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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