She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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