Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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