doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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