She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
