Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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