dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
