he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
