I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
