I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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