And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
