Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
