Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
