I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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