i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
