Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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