I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
