He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
