sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
