True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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