I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
