Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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