Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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