you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my poor anus
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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