im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All I want is dick and wine.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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