id be glad to
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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