Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Panties = found
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
