NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.