After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it