im drinking this country out of the recession.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
